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| Independence Day over Santa Barbara, Leica M11 w/ 180mm Apo-Telyt-R & 2x Extender |
Fifteen years ago, a psychic told me my mind was like a spotlight in a dark room. That when I focused on something, everything else disappeared. She said it was both a gift and a curse, and told me I probably wouldn't be able to change it; that I was wired that way. Instead, she suggested I learn to move that spotlight around freely, making sure not to neglect any little corners for too long.
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| California Dreamin', Ojai. Leica M-9 w/50mm Summarit |
While I don’t feel it was an entirely accurate reading on me, I did relate to the metaphor and find that I can get absorbed into broader tracks of mind. I definitely won’t forget to eat lunch because I’m too focused on work, but I certainly find myself forgetting about needing to send out promotion emails over the weeks I am busy with a project.
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Barnsdall-Rio Grande and half moon. IR converted Canon M w/ 11-22mm @ 850nm
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Regardless, the advice was good, and I have tried my best to figure out a way swivel that spotlight in my mind around. I have tried, but I would not say I succeeded. I’m sure there’s a trick component that requires the same self discipline gene that would allow me to enjoy cold plunges and going to the gym before coffee. I lack that.
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Carnival. Leica M11 w/ 18mm Super-Elmar-M
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As I fixate on things more in broad, amorphous strokes, the freelance life seems to either complement or exacerbate my tendency. Work comes in waves, and I find it difficult to balance all the other things I do in life during those times. This blog, for instance, has not been updated as regularly as I would like. Or as often as I think about it.
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| Smokey Sunset from the Gifford Fire. Leica M11 w/ 50mm Apo-Summicron |
Even though today was the first day in a while that I didn’t have a more pressing deadline, I came to a realization on what has holding me back as I showered. It’s this difficulty I have of moving the spotlight around. I love writing, but I also know that I have to switch gears to get there. I have to allow some time for my mind to redirect the light onto the parts that know how to write. It’s a slow process for me - or at least, it’s perceived as slow. Admittedly, it’s probably not as time consuming as I fear and would become easier if clocked it more often. Like everything, I suppose, if it’s not advancing, it’s retreating.
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| Quiet El Cap. Hasselblad X1DII w/ 28mm XCD |